This is one of the most profound books to understand others behaviors
and in teaching you skills to communicate effectively with others. A lot of the
information is quite basic, but the examples and the message is quite profound.
It has certainly made me stop and reevaluate my responses with others in the
past few weeks when needing to work through difficult professional and personal
situations. I think this book is a must read and will continue to be timeless
classic book.
The book is organized
into four parts with several chapters within each. Since there are 30 chapters
in total, I will only discuss some of them here.
Part One. Fundamental
Techniques in Handling People
1. “If You Want to
Gather Honey, Don’t Kick Over the Beehive”
Here is an important principle in
relationships: don’t criticize, condemn or complain. People rarely blame
themselves for anything, so if you criticize them not only are they
unlikely to change, but also they may resent toward you.
2. The Big Secret of
Dealing with People
People will go long
way – sometimes even become insane – just to get the appreciation they need. So
be a person who give honest and sincere appreciation to others. That’s the
big secret of dealing with people. If you do that, you can’t keep people from
liking you.
Part Two. Six Ways to
Make People Like You
1. Do This And You’ll
be Welcome Anywhere
This chapter contains
a famous quote by Dale Carnegie:
You can make more
friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in
two years by trying to get other people interested in you.
Are you interested in others? Do you
want to know about them, admire their work, and eager to help them? If you
do, they will also be interested in you.
2. A Simple Way to
Make a Good First Impression
The way to make a good first impression
is so simple that we sometimes forget it: smile. When you smile,
people will feel that you are glad to meet them. They will
feel accepted and get a good first impression about you.
3. If You Don’t Do
This, You Are Headed for Trouble
People put tremendous
importance on their names. Therefore it will be much easier for you to win
their hearts if you approach them by using their names. Unfortunately, we often
forget names.
I’m as guilty as
anybody else here. Sometimes I’m introduced to someone only to forget his or
her name right after the conversation. Another
embarrassing situation is when I meet someone who call me by name but
whose name I forget.
4. An Easy Way to
Become a Good Conversationalist
It may seem counterintuitive, but being
a good conversationalist is about by how good you talk. It’s about how
good you listen. Encourage others to
talk about themselves and be a good listener. People will feel appreciated
and they will regard you as a nice people to talk with.
6. How to Make People
Like You Instantly
To make people like you, make
them feel important and do it sincerely. The desire to feel important is
perhaps the deepest need someone has, so if you give it you will win
their heart.
Part Three. How to
Win People to Your Way of Thinking
1. You Can’t Win an
Argument
You can only lose if
you argue because – no matter what the outcome of the argumentation is – you
won’t win their heart. So the way to get the best of an argument is to avoid
it.
This is something
that is rather difficult for me. If I have an idea I’m confident about,
I’m usually willing to argue to prove my point. This chapter shows me
how wrong it is.
2. A Sure Way of
Making Enemies – And How to Avoid It
A sure way of making
enemies is by saying that they are wrong. People don’t like that, regardless of
whether they are actually wrong or not. Such statements hurt their
self-esteem. So learn to respect other people’s opinion, even when you
disagree.
5. The Secret of
Socrates
If you want to win
other people to your way of thinking, it’s important to make
them agree with you from the beginning. The way to do that is by asking
questions that they will inevitably answer with “yes”. Every time they say
“yes” they will become more receptive toward you. At the end, there is a good
chance that they will accept the idea they previously rejected. This
is a technique used by Socrates to convince his opponents.
8. A Formula that
Will Work Wonders for You
There must be a
reason why people say or act the way they do. Find that reason and talk
from their point of view. If you understand them, they will in
turn understand you.
Part Four. Be a
Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment
1. If You Must Find
Fault, This is the Way to Begin
As a leader, we sometimes need to
correct the people we lead. But how can we do that without offending them? The
answer is by praising and giving honest appreciation first. When we do that,
they will become much more receptive to the correction we give.
6. How to Spur People
On to Success
The best way to
develop good traits in others is not by punishing them for incorrect actions
but by rewarding them for correct actions. Praise every improvement
they make, even the slightest one, and they will go to the right direction.
7. Give a Dog a Good
Name
A good way to
get others do things the way you want it is by giving them a fine reputation to
live up to. For instance, if you want someone to be diligent then treat her as
a diligent person and say so to her. Most likely she won’t disappoint you.
Conclusion
How to Win Friends and Influence People contains excellent principles for
human relations.
The principles are universal and cover practically every important aspects of
relationships. The stories in each chapter make it easy to grasp those
principles.
The problem, of course, is in
putting the principles into practice. Knowing the principles is one
thing, but applying them is another thing. Since most of us have the tendency
to be selfish, we need conscious and serious effort to apply the
principles in the book. That’s why Dale Carnegie positioned How to Win Friends and Influence People as a workbook that we should refer to
from time to time.
